You Are Not Selfish for Wanting to be Treated Right

Why is Assertiveness So Important?

When assertive, you are more likely to be treated respectfully, fairly, and appropriately by people. Therefore, you are more likely to feel valued and worthy. Feeling valued and respected by others is important for developing healthy self-esteem and self-worth. Self-esteem is the overall evaluation or appraisal of one’s worth. It is our opinion of ourselves, including the beliefs and emotions we have about ourselves. High self-esteem leads to confidence and competence in dealing with life’s challenges and feeling secure. On the other hand, low self-esteem leads to feeling useless, unprepared for life, and not feeling equal to others. There is also sufficient evidence to suggest that self-esteem is crucial for maintaining mental and physical well-being and healthy relationships.

Assertiveness Will Improve Your Self-esteem

The relationship between self-esteem and assertiveness is quite significant. You need a strong sense of self-worth to be comfortable enough to be assertive, which also helps maintain a high sense of self-worth. From a young age, we are taught the importance of being liked and accepted by everyone, which can sometimes make us feel inadequate when faced with disapproval. By the end of this book, you will realise the irrationality of expecting always to be liked, no matter how hard you try. Relying on others’ opinions and treatment to determine our self-worth can damage our self-esteem. Assertiveness is crucial in maintaining and developing self-esteem by ensuring we are treated as we deserve. Without assertiveness, you are at a greater risk of attracting people into your life who will not only harm your self-esteem but also have a negative impact on your health, well-being, and happiness. Assertiveness is essential for attracting the right people into your life – those who will support you in developing and maintaining strong self-esteem and living a healthy, well-adjusted life.

Assertiveness Will Improve Your Relationships

Assertive individuals tend to attract other assertive and confident individuals into their lives. When you are assertive, you will only attract people who appreciate your assertiveness and are confident and assertive. These individuals will value your honesty, openness, and direct and upfront communication style. Why? Because they want to achieve the same positive outcome as you without the typical complications that can often arise when trying to communicate with a non-assertive person. When you are assertive with another assertive person, no complications or misunderstandings can stand in the way of your relationship with them. Effective communication is effortless and free of stress. Both parties can easily achieve their communication goals when they are assertive and active listeners. Good communication fosters healthy relationships, whether they are personal or work-related. When both parties can openly express their feelings and needs without fear of judgment, resolving any issues between them becomes much easier.

Being Assertive Will Prevent You from Over-Committing and Constantly Trying to Please Others

Stress occurs when the demands placed on us exceed our ability to cope, leading to physical and psychological strain. Overcommitting and peoplepleasing can add to stress, and while it’s something many of us are aware of, it can be difficult to change these habits. Have you ever promised yourself that you would say “no” next time, only to find yourself saying “yes” again? Have you ever been told by others that it’s easy to say “no,” but found it difficult to do so yourself? This may be because others are more assertive and not afraid of saying “no” because they are not worried about being disliked or rejected. They understand that they have the right to refuse. Assertive individuals understand their rights and recognise that those who refuse to treat them fairly and respectfully are not meant to be a part of their lives. They believe that they are entitled to the same rights that they afford to others. Therefore, it’s important to note that constantly trying to please others and overcommitting does not attract genuine people into your life. Instead, it only draws those who seek to take advantage of you. How many times have you continuously given to people, in one form or another, only to end up getting deeply hurt by them? How much more time are you willing to spend grieving over the loss of not only your friendships and relationships and the time you have invested in the wrong people? As I mentioned earlier, it’s not easy to say “no” when you’re not assertive. However, by the end of this book, you will be more assertive, and your life will change for the better.

Being Assertive Helps You Effectively Communicate and Meet Your Needs

Being assertive means clearly asking for what you want in a way that leaves no room for misunderstanding. Assertive people understand their rights and know it’s reasonable and fair to ask for what they need. They also recognise that their needs are as important as anyone else’s and deserve the same consideration and respect. Meeting your needs means asking the people in your life to accept you unconditionally, allow you to be your true self, and consider your feelings, values, and needs. Assertive individuals are unafraid to express themselves because they surround themselves with like-minded people who are confident and appreciate their differences. If you fail to communicate your needs for happiness and health, you will always feel undervalued, unappreciated, and unconditionally unaccepted. Life is not solely about prioritising others’ happiness at your own expense. If your values, interests, and needs are not fulfilled, you merely conform to others’ expectations and are not true to yourself. Assertiveness can guide you to discover your true self and find your voice.

Your connections with others are incredibly important for your self-worth and overall well-being. We often judge ourselves based on how others see us, regardless of their true opinions. This is why selecting individuals in your life who will value and embrace the confident new you and will reciprocate the same respect and consideration that you extend to them is crucial. Assertiveness is an important skill to have for your well-being, health, and happiness. It creates opportunities for personal growth and allows you to live a comfortable life as your true self. By being assertive, you gain a better understanding of yourself and others, leading to healthier relationships. It empowers you to shape a life that aligns with who you are, rather than trying to fit into a life that doesn’t suit you. Assertiveness also serves as a shield against mistreatment, helping to boost your self-esteem and self-confidence. Assertiveness acts like a ‘filter’ in our life. Let me explain how.   When assertive, we avoid drama and harm by keeping “toxic” people out. It’s our responsibility to screen the people who try to come into our lives to protect our self-esteem and well-being. If someone does not respond positively to your assertiveness, that person is not someone you want in your life because they will likely cause you a lot of grief. Remember: when you are being assertive, you are simply asking for respect in a tactful manner. This should lead to a positive response from others. If they do not respond positively, you have likely avoided involvement with a toxic person. The power of assertiveness in our lives is often underestimated. It’s often better to keep a person in your life whom you have no choice but to have at arm’s length rather than getting too involved with them and being constantly dragged into their drama. Consider redefining your relationship with them to just an ‘acquaintance’ level if necessary. “Toxic” doesn’t just refer to people who intentionally try to harm you but also to those who have personal issues they can’t control, which can negatively affect you if you let them. So, using assertiveness skills in every aspect of your life protects your self-esteem and helps evaluate the quality of your relationships.

You have just read Pages 10 to 16 of my book, “From Passive to Assertive”. If you want to learn to stand up for yourself, say ‘no’ without feeling guilty, and set healthy boundaries with the people in your life, then you should read the rest of my book, “From Passive to Assertive”.